I’ve always been a do it your selfer (not sure if that’s even word!). Fiercely independent, and at times stubborn, I always wanted to do things on my own. In the past it was difficult for me to ask for help. I always believed I could do it myself. Then along my journey I realized that trying to do it alone makes it much more difficult than it needs to be.
A part of me still thinks it’s true that you can do anything yourself, but the other part knows there’s a true power and a greater outcome when you ask for help. Let’s face it, there are areas where we all struggle and while we can push through on our own, we gain much more by asking for help.
I have realized within myself and with my clients most of the difficulty in the help equation comes on the receiving end. It feels awkward to receive help when you are used to doing it alone.
This year I have suffered an injury that has given me insight into how much pressure we put on ourselves to do it all alone. Time and time again I’ve had to ask help with things that were once normal to me. What I have learned in this process is that it feels good to receive support. I don’t have to go it all alone.
The more I have allowed myself to be vulnerable by asking for assistance due to my condition, the more I have realized the power of receiving. From the gentle touch from my yoga teacher encouraging me to release the frustration of only being to do a small portion of what I used to be able to do in class, to people carrying things for me, I have felt the powerful feeling of abundance that comes from getting support.
What I have learned is that being totally transparent is not about being a victim and overwhelming people with your junk. It’s about being honest with where you are at and what you need. And when you let go of that “I can do it all alone mentality” you gain a sense of confidence with the fact that you can have faults or difficulties and still be okay.
That’s the energy that resonates most with people.
You don’t have to be in physical pain or have sustained an injury to ask for help. There are many ways this can filter into your life from your career to your relationships.
Ask yourself the following questions:
1) Are there things about your career that bother you that could be alleviated if you asked for support from your colleagues?
2) Is there a need in your relationship that is not being filled because you are not asking for what you want?
3) Are you not accomplishing a goal that you have dreamed of because there are parts of that are too overwhelming?
I am sure you can see yourself in at least one of these three questions. A suggestion I give to all of my clients is to become the scientist or journalist of their own life. Notice what you need and then experiment with implementing it in your life.
Don’t get caught up in expectations, just experiment with making small requests and changes in the way you handle things and notice if you’re situation begins to change.
I’d love to hear about it:)