I am an emotional control freak.
It sounds funny to say but it’s true. It also feels a little scary to say, because by announcing it I am losing some of that control.
I have spent the majority of my life controlling my emotions and/or pretending they don’t even exist.
My preferred method of escape is just to avoid. I’ve had quite a number of traumatic things (as many of us have) happen to me throughout my life and move on.
It’s quite amazing when I recall how many traumatic and felt lots of internal turmoil, which I also ignored.
It’s amazing how a person can go through life without truly feeling.
But it’s also amazing what your body can do with those emotions.
Your body both feels and acts in kind with that. Then suddenly out of nowhere it seems, you have a flare-up of digestive problems or muscle tension.
Then when your mind starts processing what is happening (starts recognizing the trauma) it plans its own form of escape. It usually happens in the form of over thinking.
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When I was on the phone with a coach colleague years ago working through my patterns, I noted my own mind doesn’t believe my mind. So when my mind starts rationalizing the emotions that I’m feeling, my mind then begins to question itself and if your mind keeps you fixated on controlling situations it thinks it’s keeping you safe.
So on every end we begin to control things, whether it’s our mind, our body, or our environment.
But we can use control to our advantage. We can learn how to become aware of our thoughts and make us feel powerless.
We can also accept ourselves and may feel damaged from our past.
Can you imagine how good that would feel?
Where can you let go of control in your life? I’d love to hear what you come up with